Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones (Bad Movie Review)

Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones takes place ten years after the events of Episode I. Galactic civil war seems imminent as Count Dooku, an ex-Jedi turned-sith, poses a threat to the Republic. Senator Padmé Amidala, dealing with official business on planet Coruscant concerning the establishing Separatist movement, is nearly killed in an assassination attempt plotted against her. Thus, the Jedi Council appoints Apprentice Anakin Skywalker and his Master Obi-Wan Kenobi to protect her.  As Obi-Wan travels to Kamino to investigate the source of Padmé’s bounty,  a love-connection begins to transpire between her and Anakin, establishing their relationship behind the Jedi Council’s back. In Attack of the Clones, we take a journey through the galaxy as we uncover the truth about Padmé’s attempted assassination, witness Anakin’s unfortunate homecoming on Tatooine, and embrace a “love story for the ages” as tensions between both sides rises and a galactic showdown commences.

Let’s get this straight; Attack of the Clones is not a good movie. The complex story and constant creative world-building of the Star Wars franchise calls for such an amazing final product but, sadly, each aspect of the rich cinematic universe we know and love seems to inevitably fall flat. With such an all-star cast including the likes of Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman, Samuel L. Jackson and a surprise performance from Saruman from Lord of the Rings (I mean Christopher Lee) could not do this lackluster story justice. Probably at the hands of George Lucas’s terrible directing, none of the characters individually stood out in performance or as a unique individual. For example, Mace Windu was just Samuel L. Jackson in a Jedi Robe, as if the character itself simply seemed like the person playing the character. In addition, rather than being the compelling, conflicted protagonist that we wanted him to be, Anakin was just a whiny jackass, with a rather stale performance from Hayden Christensen at that. Despite the fact that his character was so painfully annoying, Lucas decides to revolve a large portion of the film around their love story.

Their love story was one of the major factors that threw off my enjoyment of the film. In one of the beginning scenes, Anakin interrupts Padmé during their conversation to vent about the difficulties and hardships of being an apprentice under Obi-Wan’s mentorship in what turned out to be some sort of therapy session. Then all of a sudden, in my guess out of sympathy, she falls in love with him and they are secretly married at the end of the film. Or was it his dashing good looks? She did not seem to mind when he destroyed an entire pack of Tusken Raiders on Tatooine. Although they abducted and killed his mother and we as an audience can understand his inclination, you would have thought that Padmé, being in the position that she was in, would have sensed the “Darth Vader” in him and gotten away while she could, if not because of his petty childishness.

Sadly, this is only the beginning of my negative feelings towards Attack of the Clones. It was the bleak characters and uninspiring love story that made this, and the rest of the prequels (to an extent), into something almost too annoying to watch. Or was it the fact that Count Dooku lacked a driving purpose and was merely a villain for the sake of being a villain, or that Yoda was a maniacally flipping, flying acrobat that somehow did not have the means to defeat him, or that Naboo was just Venice, Italy, only with lackluster CGI and sci-fi gondolas?… Well, at least they held back Jar-Jar.

Bad Movie Review: Fist Fight

Fist Fight is a 2017 movie revolving around two high school teachers Mr. Strickland (Ice Cube) and Mr. Campbell (Charlie Day) when Campbell gets caught up in all the troubles and disasters of the last day of school and senior pranks, Campbell accidentally crosses Strickland and gets on his bad side, afterwards the short tempered Strickland challenges Campbell to a fight after school . The movie is really fast paced in terms of telling a story, its put together but not in the best way, a movie purely for the exercise of profanity and exploration of abnormal rare high school education environments. The movie’s strong element was comedy and it did terrible in that regard with me giving out about just one or two laughs throughout the film. The movie is like complete preparation for 91 minutes for a fight that isn’t really anticipated so the film feels like a waste of time, with exaggerated elements of comedy that would entertain potty mouth teens which I doubt it does. Fist Fight lacks attractive tension and delivers its climax at the very end. The cost of production for the film was 25 million USD which I feel was completely wasted, such a film could’ve been filmed, produced, edited and what not with a measly 10 million and would’ve brought the same revenue, theres nothing particular in the screenplay nor animations or special effects that caught my eye at all, a bland film with excessive profanity. To me this movie was a waste of Ice Cube’s and Charlie Day’s great talents, both great in comedies but this film was just not a good one.

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Couples Retreat is a 2009 American romantic comedy film, rated PG-13. The film was released on October 9, 2009, in the United States and was mostly shot on the island of Bora Bora. Couples Retreat tells a story of four couples that try to solve marital problems during a weeklong retreat in Bora Bora. The cast includes Jason Bateman, Ken Jeong, John Michael Higins, and Jon Favreau and Vince Vaughn, who both wrote the script.Despite having a talented cast, the story lacks comedy and character specifics. I think this movie would have had more to offer if it was an R-rated film. It was missing some of the inappropriate jokes that could have given this movie the humor that it really needed to succeed.

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On top of the lack of comedy this film had to offer, the plot is extremely anti-climatic. This movie does not have a target audience, the jokes are mediocre and can apply to pretty much anyone. Couples Retreat was written and produced very lazy and unprofessional. As for the actual storyline, things do not take a surprising turn in “Couples Retreat”. Towards the end, the jokes slow down and the dialog becomes more serious. The movie shifts tones so much at last fourth of the movie that it feels as if they didn’t even know how to end the movie so they just decided to throw anything in to wrap it up. There is no climax and nothing that the audience can look forward to as a finish to this film.

 

 

Bad Movie Review: The Human Centipede 3

The Human Centipede 3

 

The Human Centipede 3 has already known popularity from its previous films to be grotesque. The film received an 18% on rotten tomatoes with actor Dieter Laser playing as the main character Bill Boss who acts as a psychotic warden of a penitentiary. Throughout the movie Bill Boss is in a psychotic rage to mumbling random utterances and causing a scene. The movie doesn’t seem to have any direction besides Bills disturbing acts of torture, sexual harassment and random outbursts in front of prisoners. The movie doesn’t have any meaning until Bills assistant Mr. Butler suggests that they bring in Tom Six and listen to his speech about the Human Centipede.

 

One of the main issues of the story was the lack of dialogue, throughout the movie. Bill Boss would scream and torture inmates, while the inmates would just shout and curse at Bill Boss. In multiple scenes Bill Boss castrates an inmate, does a follow up on the same inmate and strangles the inmate to death. The medical staff then must revive the inmate and Bill Boss then jumps on him and begins to strangle him almost to the point of death. This last sequel was mainly cynical and consistently unpleasant film with creators who try to make the viewer as uncomfortable as possible. Nearing the end of the film the final human centipede chain is revealed.

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To sum it all up the film Human Centipede 3, is widely known from its previous films and this film was the final of the series. This film received bad rating for a reason and watching this film I concur with ratings and think the film to be rather boring and continuously unsettling. The whole movie leads to the final centipede, which was rather insignificant due to the exaggerated torment and horror throughout the film.

Bad Movie Review: Grown Ups 2

Grown Ups 2 starring many popular actors such as Adam Sandler, Kevin James and Chris Rock is laced with corny comedy that makes it hard to pay attention to the movie as a whole. This is a sequel to the original Grown Ups movie with the same characters and it seemed like they tried to hard to force laughs. The movie starts with a deer urinating on Adam Sandler’s face, which is the initial “what is going on moment” of the movie, which like many of the other scenes have nothing to do with the story. Throughout the whole movie there are scenes with farting, burping, sneezing and any other bodily functions that you don’t find amusing, in which they try to use is as a comedy aspect.

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The first Grown Ups included many of the cartoonish comedy scenes as well, but because it was the first one it seemed acceptable and not overdone. This sequel proves to be far below the first movie because of the lack of creativity and change in comedy strategies. The movie is centered around Adam Sandler having a party at his house, the kids getting out of school for summer, and a bully that comes back to cause a problem with Sandler’s character. The cliché of the bully loses and everyone is happy at the end is exactly what you expect from the beginning and is exactly what you get with little to no excitement throughout.

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Every scene seems to leave you guessing why did I even watch that part? One scene consists of David Spade being put into a tire and rolled down a hill. The scene consists of obvious fake backgrounds and no substantial point to the scene except to introduce Shaquille O’Neil into the movie as a cop. The movie’s budget was big enough to put together a decent sequel and make use of the star cast, while introducing other celebrities such as O’Neil and Steve Austin, but still lacks to do so. Although Sandler and his crew are known for family fun comedies, this movie seems to over use the vulgar scenes people are too fast to get bored of. The abundance of farts and burps brings this movie from an original comedy to a sequel that is trying to hard to be funny. This cast has been able to put together many movies that are worth the watch, but this one seems to have missed the mark and failed to deviate off of the already used comedic cartoon style.

Bad Movie Review: Suicide Squad (Because someone has to)

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First off, the premise in itself seems broken. The United States experiences an inhuman entity that is posing a threat to the American people. So they’re solution to this problem is to hire people who had been locked in prison, and one crocodile man who lives in the sewer, for posing a threat to the American people.

Besides Diablo, who is basically the Human Torch from Fantactic Four, everyone else’s skills seem to include being psychologically unsound, having no allegiance to anyone, punching people, and the ability to shoot guns. The reason the government would contract these characters instead of the military in a supernatural situation such as this just vanishes. Like Captain Boomerang when given the chance to leave the mission (he later comes back with no motivation or reason to).

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The intros the the characters make it feel like the screenwriter spent too much time introducing Harley Quinn and Deadshot, realized it was taking up too much time, and then gave each of the other characters like 30 seconds to show who they were.

We are given further details as to who these people are and why they are locked away in a scene that takes place over dinner between the Chief Intelligence Officer and another agent. We are then given the exact same speech about who these people are and why they were locked up in the next scene. In which she is debriefing her colleges on the plan to use criminals as superheros. There is also one character that has basically no introduction or backstory, as she is thrown in half way through the film. That character is Katana. I guess the idea was, “It would be cool to have a completely personality-less mystery women to help out in this battle.”

The Joker is one of the most disappointing parts of this entire movie. Jared Leto, the man who played him, had said that there was enough footage shot to make an entire film about him and Harley Quinn. What audiences got were just about enough snippets of that footage to keep him in as a character. He never really added to the main story line whatsoever, and half way through the movie the viewer is lead to believe he dies in a helicopter crash. (He later comes back from the dead to save Harley.) They also designed his charterer to have ridiculously on the nose tattoos. He’s damaged so they tattooed the word itself on his forehead. He hates Batman so they tattooed a bat symbol with a sword through it on his arm. This is the exact opposite of The Dark Knight. Where they took mass amounts of screen time to develop the character. This, to me, is just poor character development on a character that has previously been developed multiple times.

Finally, the color grading of this film is extremely dull. Shots have no color and seem muddy at most times. The majority of the film is done at night, in the dark, so that doesn’t help the look either. Unless they go into “Comic Book” mode. Which is like watching a Jackson Pollock painting and comes on abruptly to show how edgy the film is.

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I could talk about the editing but all I have to say really is that the entire film was edited by a tailor house. People who are experts ate making things look cool but seem to have no idea what they are doing when cutting together full scenes, editing with continuity, and keeping any sort of flow in a film.

 

Koontz – Extra Credit

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Twilight is an action/romance movie about a girl named Bella Swan who is sent to live with her father in Forks, Washington. In this city there is an existing family of vampires. Her main love interest is Edward Collin, a member of the vampire family. There is also an Indian reservation outside of town where a conflicting love interest, Jacob, lives. The movie takes place in Forks and at the end, the plot leads to Jacksonville, Florida, where Bella grew up.

Since this is the first movie of a series, the budget was not very large and it is noticeable. The movie is meant to be very monotone due to the weather in the area and also the pale skin of the vampires. In addition to the absence of color, the aesthetic quality is not as clear as most HD movies. It is also apparent that the character makeup and acting is that of a lower budget film. It is not as noticeable until the second movie in the series is viewed, whereupon there is a drastic difference. The movie gained a lot of popularity after the first showing which helped make the rest of the movies in the series hits and ensured better funding. Resolution of the fight scenes between vampires is poor and some backgrounds do not look real against the action. The backgrounds also do not look real as they are climbing up to the top of the trees at the vampire speed. The cameras are continuously moving with the characters which causes dizziness and the appearance that they are unsteady. Framing/angles are far too close in certain scenes such as when they are in school and talking about the assignment and it pans back and forth to each of their faces.

Sound effects in this movie are almost obsolete until the fight scenes. In addition to the monotony of color, the audio is all along the same sound level and energy level. Characters do not raise their voices or get upset–Jacob is one of the only actors who shows some drama. Edward, since he is a few hundred years old, has strong moral values and was raised in a different era. Because of this, he has set a moral duty for himself to remain abstinent until marriage with Bella. Bella however keeps testing his strength and self-control. She also wants Edward to change her into a vampire. He refuses to change her because he believes that vampire’s souls are damned and he wants to save her soul. Jacob’s family is good friends with Bella’s father. He wants Bella to be with him because she would not have to “change” for him. Edward and his family also do not harm humans like other vampires. They call themselves “vegetarians” and feast on only animal blood. The drama in the end is against vampires who are not vegetarians and end up coming after Bella.

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The fighting is comical and is not scary or thrilling enough to make the scenes interesting. It is hard not to laugh and it is mostly because of the poor level of acting from most of the characters. The characters in this movie are not well defined. The movie is far-fetched and unrealistic. The continual movies in the series do get better and more interesting. This movie sets the basis for the series plot line but once that is understood, it is not engaging enough to watch again.